Why Alzheimer's Sucks

The symptoms of Alzheimers in the early stages is insidious. You talk to the person on the phone and he or she repeats the same question three times. They get lost easily. They can't remember appointments. You don't want to believe there is anything wrong. You ask if they are O.K. and of course they say "yes". Their friends say that they are "losing it".

The first definite hint that something was wrong with my mother was when a banker called and said that my mother was withdrawing large amounts of cash, but not remembering why they needed it. I flew from Arizona to her home in Indiana to find out what was going on. When I knocked on the door, she answered it, but forgot that I had told her I was coming. The person looking back at me did not seem like my mother. There was a deadness about her personality and she had a blank look in her eyes. She was at times agitated and hostile. She couldn't unlock the door and didn't understand what the big emergency was.

I found out that she could no longer handle her financial affairs nor live alone. She had unpaid bills, unpaid property tax, a totally disorganized checking account register. Even her kitchen was disorganized. She made no effort to cook when she used to like to feed me. She was basically living on peanut butter. I don't know if she was taking her medication. I found out that she had locked herself out of the house several times. She claims to have seen a man in the house. At dinner, she would set places for people that were no longer alive.

Living out of state, I felt the only option was to take her back with me. There was no one here to take care of her and if there was, I wouldn't be able to easily check on her. She didn't want to leave her home, so I had to lie to get her to go with me. I found out later that this is a standard tactic with Alzheimer's patients. You do whatever it takes to get them to do what is in their best interests, even if it means lying. You can't reason with them because they have no capacity for judgment.

The caretaker role never suited me. I felt stressed because I didn't know from day to day what her behavior would be. I felt incompetent and uncomfortable. It seemed wrong somehow to go from respecting and obeying your mother to controlling her life. I admire people who can take care of a Alzheimers patient in their house. Most people don't have the training to care for them and they never get a break from the stress. I was a basket case having my mother in my house. She went for a walk one time in hot weather and got lost and the police found her three miles from my house.

I ended up placing her in an Alzheimer's facility. They arranged them in cottages with other patients at their same level of functioning. It was a nice place, but my mother would still complain about going home. She would threaten to get money from the bank to go home even though she didn't know what state she was in. I felt guilty about it for a long time until I realized that since she lacked mental capacity to take care of herself, she no longer had the choice as to where she could live.

The disease progressed slowly. She could still walk around and do activities, but eventually that stopped. After a while, she no longer recognized me. She didn't talk much or do anything and she wasn't much aware of the world around her. She lost the ability and interest to eat. In her last days, she stopped eating and drinking entirely. Luckily, she didn't linger long in that state.

When you have a loved one with Alzheimer's, you start mourning them early. Their spirit leaves early on and you are left with a shell of a person that used to be someone you loved. Memories are what makes life meaningful. Originally, my mother loved socializing, working and walking. She had a soft spot for animals and loved to watch birds. She had a strong attachment to the house she lived in for 40 years. Alzheimer's took all that away.

Nothing is fair in life, but Alznheimer's seems especially unfair. If I had to die a slow painful death, I would still want my mind intact. I hope they find a cure, because Alzheimer's sucks.